Unhung Heroes Tour of the Metropolitan Museum
Our Newest Tour of The Metropolitan Museum
UNHUNG HEROES
Nowadays people seem to consider the size of certain male body parts terribly important. The subject even came up in the presidential campaign, as absolutely nobody has forgotten, and ads about whether “size matters” are a dime a dozen. And yet when we go to the art museum, the guys without clothes are distinctly below average real-life size.
Have you ever wondered why that is? Were men really smaller once upon a time? Or did they prefer it for aesthetic reasons? Some other reason? Ever since Professor Lear was interviewed on this very subject on NPR, people have been asking us to give a tour about it, a tour that explains why the world’s art museums are full of unhung heroes.
So here it is. On this fun and informative 2 hour tour, follow the theme of the n*ked male around the museum. Learn about the ideals of Greek culture and how they have affected the whole history of art without clothes. And discover the contrasting cases as well—cases that exaggerate the other way…. You’ll come away with a whole new understanding of art, and maybe even of size.
Professor Lear has decided to include breasts on the tour as well, as they are the other body part most fictionalized in art.
Penises shrink and grow according to social ideals; breasts grow and shrink, rise up the chest and sink down, move to the side and back to the center—according to fashion
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Rodin, The Age of Bronze
Rodin’s Age of Bronze was his breakout sculpture, the one that established his reputation. But it is unclear what its implications are: who or what is this young man, and what is he doing or feeling? What is clear, however, is that Rodin wanted to emulate Ancient Greek sculpture in many ways. And one of those, apparently, was in shrinking his model’s penis. Because we happen to have a photo of the model in this pose, and not only was he older and less shapely than the sculpture, he also has a substantially bigger….
Ter Borch, Woman Playing the Lute and a Cavalier
Penises are not only a theme in Ancient Greek art, they are important in many other traditions as well. Golden Age Dutch painting, for instance, is full of penis jokes, though people today often miss them, because there is not much nudity in Dutch painting. But don’t let that blind you to the humorous sexy themes in painters like Steen, Hals, and ter Borch! This scene is an example: a woman is playing a lute while gazing up at a fashionably long-haired young man. Is this a music lesson? Or a scene of flirtation (or both)? One thing that hints at the scene’s saucy implications is the position of the gentleman’s hat—placed over his lap, as if there were something there to cover up….
Marble bust of Antinous
People always ask why the penises are missing from so many Classical statues. Everyone suspects that they were broken off by prudish Christians, and this is possible—although like the nose, the penis is obviously a fragile part of a statue, and many of them probably broke off when the statues fell in the general collapse of the Classical world. We do believe however that this bust of Antinous was probably mutilated by an angry Christian: Antinous—as the deified boy lover of an Emperor—was a particular object of Christian ire, and the nose here seems to have been destroyed with a chisel.